Taking Your Power Back

This is the aftermath of my bedroom, after I took away the bedsheets and the lamp shades and had to pack a small basket with all of my toiletries in it. I called it my survival kit.

I turned the linen closet in the hallway into my temporary holding spot for my work clothes, so I didn't have to go into my bedroom alone...

Because for 5 weeks, after calling the police on my ex for slapping the side of my face to knock the ear buds out of my ear, I slept on the couch in my own house...

...a house that I rent and pay all bills in full on my own. A house where my mother and children reside. For 5 weeks, we were trapped inside the hell my ex projected because he refused to leave. He was a ticking time bomb, and we moved around him when he wasn't locked inside my bedroom like he was a land mine waiting to go off.

The cops told me not to be alone with him, and to record everything. Sleeping in my bedroom was no longer safe. They wouldn't arrest him that night, primarily because it was my word against his and I had no visible signs of abuse. Apparently it's ok to physically assault your partner, as long as you don't leave any bruises.

He slapped the earbuds out of my ear because I refused to talk to him after being woken up. I had to go to work the next morning, but he insisted on harassing me. And when I finally called the cops, instead of facing the music he ran and hid in the house. Hid in my eldest daughter's bed of all places. Thank God she wasn't home that night.

The worst part is that there were bruises from a month prior that had recently healed from when he got jealous of an email from a co-worker and pushed me backwards into my bathtub as I tried to keep him from breaking my phone. And instead of calling the cops that night, I naively assumed that he wouldn't hurt me again.

We were already broken up, and I foolishly thought that I could peacefully co-exist with him until he could find a place to go.

But I am not a victim.

I learned a valuable lesson that my light could not bleed into his darkness. I learned to accept that people are where they are, and it's only up to them to decide to be the best version of themselves. It isn't something that you can talk someone into. It isn't something that you can force. I thought that if I loved hard enough, I could take his pain away. But in the end, we all suffered.

I wanted to share my story because this can happen to anybody. I realized that documenting my experience as I was going through it kept me in observation mode instead of falling victim to it. I knew that I wanted to eventually talk about it, I knew that I could turn this entire ordeal into something positive if I could help just one person by having the courage to share what I'd gone through. Even though things could have turned out a lot worse, and he did eventually leave, I had to face the fact that I created this situation by ignoring years of red flags. I accept ownership in the creation of my struggles so that I am empowered to make the necessary changes in how I think about myself and others, and how I react to the outside world. And it isn't about blaming myself, it's about owning my parts because blaming only gives our power away. I want anyone to know that may be struggling through a similar situation that change is eminent when you take your power back, with love. Love yourself enough to create the life you deserve, because you are worth it. Know your worth.

I've been away from blogging and social media for a long time. I've been growing, learning, and experiencing the ups and downs of life after a troubled engagement and an unfulfilling marriage. I have landed in the most amazing mental place, and I can honestly say that I am on the road to living my best life. I was brave enough to ask the Universe for exactly what I needed to thrive. I've used the tools that I've learned as a life coach (yay for me!!! I got my certification in 2019 😁) to create the life I want to live. And now it is my heart's desire to help others do the same. Thank you for being on this journey with me.

If you or someone you know is struggling in any area of life and could use some help, please reach out to me through my website acasanlove.org or Facebook www.facebook.com/acasanloveguide

Let's take your power back ...