Advice on healthy relationships

Those of you who’ve followed my old blog know that my relationship history has been nothing short of movie worthy. After a failed attempt at creating a family with the father of my two eldest daughters, a failed marriage with my sons’ father, and a failed engagement likened to a dumpster fire...I believe I have finally learned how to love myself correctly into a healthy relationship. I’d love to give some insight on how I use my tools as a life coach and what I’ve learned on my personal spiritual journey to perhaps inspire you to take a look at how you can be bringing your best self to your own relationships.

1. Make yourself a priority. The more you focus on taking care of your own basic needs, the better equipped you are to face whatever challenges lie ahead. You cannot give from an empty cup. When self-love and basic self-care are your main focus, your love will naturally spill out in the presence of others.

2. Have no expectations. I know this is tough because it goes against everything we’ve been taught. But you have to let go of ALL expectations of your partner. If you can’t accept them exactly as they are, they may not be the right partner for you.

3. Compassion is key. We all have bad days. It’s an amazing gesture when you show up for your partner with compassion during their hardest moments. If you feel triggered by your partner’s low moments, use it as a time to self-reflect. Their low moments isn’t the best time to air out your issues with them, and it’ll only add fuel to their fire. Sometimes the best support you can give is space. In a healthy relationship, each individual should have their own self-soothing routines to re-center. You can be silently present without judgment while they work through their challenges.

4. Breathe instead of reacting. If your partner says something that makes you feel defensive, upset, or triggered, take that moment to go inside and acknowledge to self that you’re feeling a certain way instead of responding right then. 9 times out of 10, there’s a deeper reason as to why we’re feeling triggered. When we give pause in moments we would typically lash out, we can control the experience more favorably, giving us time to process and respond from a more thoughtful place rather than an emotionally charged place.

5. Focus on the good stuff. Even when you’ve found a partner that you truly resonate with, naturally things will come up where you don’t see eye to eye. However, bringing attention to negative things breathes more life into them. It’s always your choice when you’re happy with your partner overall to focus on the things that made you fall in love in the first place rather than your differences. Remember, what you focus on grows.

Ultimately, you have the power to steer your relationship in a positive or negative direction. If you’re doing a healthy combination of the above-mentioned steps and you truly enjoy your partner’s presence, you can build a lasting relationship that is both healthy and fulfilling.